Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
