We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
