ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
