Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
