His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
