and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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