I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
