My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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