just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
