Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
