My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why do cheetos always look like penises
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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