Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
only you would photoshop your dick
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
