I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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