The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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