i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
