it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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