And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
