does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
