I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
