question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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