I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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