Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
