yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
