Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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