Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
