My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
