So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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