Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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