Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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