i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
