hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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