Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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