it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
