My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
