I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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