I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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