we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
