she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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