Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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