Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
