Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
