Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
