butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
