i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
