time to smoke my breakfast
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
