Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
