you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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