If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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