I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
