I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
