I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
