Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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